New Years Resolutions

In the year 2013, I want to (as many others do) try and improve on myself and my life, and make more time for the things that I enjoy doing and the people I enjoy being with.

So, my resolutions for the year 2013 are:

1. Write more blog posts - I started off so well. Then I got my new job and it all went downhill from there. This year, I want to write at least 4 times a week. 

2. Take more photographs - Everywhere I went years ago I took my camera with me. These days, it hardly ever makes it outside. 

3. Lead a healthy lifestyle - bit vague, but that's good for me because it can incorporate lots of things like eating healthier, getting more exercise and sleeping without the telly on! 

4. Start keeping a daily diary - I love writing, and I love the idea of looking back in many years and reading about my life. I have a few old diaries from 12 years ago, and it's fascinating to see how much I have changed.

5. Start a new...something - my friend was talking about going to Zumba classes. Then about Salsa lessons. I  really want to do one, or the other, or both! So I really want to join something with my friends. 

My ultimate goal of 2013 - is to move out. 

I just hope, wish and pray that I (and my fiancé) reach this amazing goal. 

Happy New Year!  

And then...it was All Over...Just Like That!

Merry Christmas to you all first of all (even though it was yesterday...!)

But I get a teeny bit down every year when it's all over. Each Christmas day is full of fun and happiness, so much so that time flies, and before you know it, it's half past midnight and you're trying to stay awake in case the other team say a Taboo word! 

I hope everyone had a good one and got everything they deserve. I got good presents. Things that I needed and there were a few surprises in there too. But, I learnt yesterday that Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are dangerous around Christmas. My goodness there are so many spoilt people out there! And I mean spoilt rotten! The presents they get is sickening. Designer stuff, lots of handbags and jewellery, money, gift vouchers, make-up etc. I know I sound jealous, but that's because I am! Thanks for posting up pictures showing how much your parents love you,  a spoilt brat,  very god dam lucky! It's ok, I'll just take my little bit of Christmas money and go get some retail therapy (but even that's getting tedious now, believe it or not!)

The best bit about Christmas though really, is the food. And having my family over. And getting drunk and playing silly games. And spending time with my fiancé.  And the Christmas telly. 
A lot of best bits, so I guess I'm lucky that I have all of that every year.
I just hate how quick it's all over. 
Sucks

Not long left of 2012 now...it's time that I start making resolutions and plan how I want my 2013 to be! 

Let me Just...Put this out There...

Blogging is very much a world wide accepted thing. I have a lot friends that blog about their life as a mum/artist/fashionista-turned world traveller/potential radio DJ. 
Granted, they all have their niches and are very much topic orientated so their blog probably has more purpose than mine does. I guess my blog is a little like a diary. Only, I decide to make it public. It may be somewhat censored - I don't particularly want to get into trouble if I say something and it's taken the wrong way - but it's still somewhere where I can write utter crap if I wanted! 
So what you read here is just me. This is who I am. Really. 
I have a psychology degree, I'm a bit useless, I have very little common sense but - I enjoy writing, reading, blogging and writing all sorts of crazy shit that my mind thinks of. I like listening to rock/metal/nu-metal, but lately I've been listening to other types of music (I don't know what type it is - mixture of things really), but I'm still a rock chick at heart. People think I'm innocent (only my fiancé and friends know that's not entirely the case). If I'm putting things out there, then, let's just say, I like it very often, and I like it rough. If I remember rightly, at my old work place, I had one of the dirtiest minds. I'll leave it there with that one ;P
I like the fact that I'm different to girls who are just... - I'm not like the girls on TOWIE (The Only Way is Essex - you know, fake tan, fake boobs, fake personality with a different boyfriend every week. I don't fake tan, I have one man in my life, and I'd like to think I'm genuine. I go out, I get drunk, I do silly things (like when I accidentally intruded on a couples romantic dinner in a pub by placing my camera right in the middle of their table saying "take a picture, take a picture", then falling over backwards on my arse. It was kind of embarrassing). It just so happens that most of the time, I can't remember these things, so people just have to tell me what I did! 
I really want a tattoo, I've been agonising over it for months and months - I just don't know what I want. I like birds, skulls, chains, black, red, purple, photography, writing, laughing. I mean, all of that incorporated into one would be hideous... but If someone could design me a black and red tattoo with birds and chains then that would be uh-maze-ing. 
I love eating. I'm definitely a fat girl in a thin girls body. I'm very lucky in that respect, I know that I'm probably hated for it. But I honestly can't help it. One day though, I will wake up and all the years of eating crap will be sitting there, on my hips, my thighs and my bum. I just hope it isn't too soon! I kinda like my body at the moment!

Jeez, this has been a bit me, me, me! Apologies. As the title suggested, I was just putting me, me, me out there. Just, you know, re-affirming who I am. I think we all need that sometimes.

Just wanted to Say

Saturday the 1st of December was the best 1st of December I've had for a very long time. 
My fiancé - Gavin - took me on a date. He booked a table and everything. I had no idea where we were going. It was a little exciting! 

We went into London, visited our favourite Costa coffee shop, tucked away in the back streets behind Oxford Street, went into Harvey Nichols, Harrods and drank a couple of hot ciders in Winter Wonderland at Hyde Park.

He then took me to Covent Garden, where he told me he was taking me to a little French restaurant called "Le Garrick". I was anxious at first - I did not want to eat French food! 
But there was no need for concern. It was a cute little place on Garrick Street, and it's all lit by candles inside. You go downstairs - underground, and there is a tiny bar and lots of little bricked archways and cosy coves and old wooden beams. It was gorgeous. As was the food. And the wine. And the free shot of 40% Pear Schaps at the end. 

It was wonderful. I have the best man in the world and I am the luckiest girl in the universe. 

Ahhhh 

2012 is Drawing to an End

As I sit here, in my towel, feeling fresh and smelling like stress relief (that's the name of the bubble bath FYI..it's a nice smell),  listening to M83 (a band with a "luscious blend of shoegaze aesthetics, ambient pop and progressive textures") , I can't help but think that right now, I feel content. Something that I came to realise in that little bath.
Baths are strange. They're a weird concept - you just lay there, in water, sitting in your own dirt some say (but if you have bubble bath, I'm pretty sure that that kills off most of the dirt and cleans you and the water.) But, they're the one place where your mind is kind of allowed to just wander, and all your thoughts, feelings, woes and worries seem to all slide into place and make sense. Just laying there, thinking about the last 12 months was definitely some sort of therapy I needed. Much like retail therapy, where buying things make you feel better, only cheaper and lazier. I've been trying to think about how I feel about life and the last 12 months, without coming to any sort of conclusion.
This year has been a funny sort of year, where I feel like not a lot has happened, but it actually really has. I got a new job in February, I went to Paris for a long weekend with the girls in February, my fiancé and I went to Rome in April, we had the Olympics in July where I went to work in a garage close to the heart of the event - it was pretty special  and my best friend had the cutest baby ever in September (to which, I think, Gavin and I are one set of godparents to, which is the best thing ever). 
I mean, yea, OK maybe a lot did happen. Thinking about it in that bath (and writing it all down) has led me to realise that. We've (myself and Gavin) also managed to save up a lot of money, ready for us to hopefully move out late next year. It has actually been quite a significant life changing year. 
So, at this moment in time, I'm quite content. I just hope that the world doesn't in fact end on December 21st - I still have a lot more things to do in my life! 

Tweeting...I Hope it Makes my Dream Come True!

I've started to become "Twitter-pated". Ever since I read an article in Company magazine, I've been tweeting  almost every bloody 3 hours. Apparently, it opens up doors career wise. People have been found through their twitter and got jobs as PR's and art directors and journalists - their dream jobs! So, I'm hoping that, with a bit of positive thinking, I can be found amongst the thousands of other profesh bloggers/writers/critics/PR's/Editors wannabes. Plucked like a feather on a chicken, singled out from so many others that are so similar. 

 Now, I'm not saying that I'm unhappy with my job. In fact, I do really like it. A lot. Recruitment is a bloody good profession to be in...as is the company I'm with. I'm also lucky that I have a job that's slightly related to my degree (even if I do feel like I truly suck at it sometimes....but that's another blog post!) I wouldn't mind being there for a very very long time (where eventually I hope that I can settle - again, another blog post!) 

It's just...well, everyone has their dream job don't they? I'm sure that people I work with dream of being in a job that's related to their interests (I can only think of football...I can't actually guess what other people dream of being!) At the end of the day though, it's just a dream. It has such a small chance of happening, I would imagine that I may have a better chance at winning the lottery (if I did it...!) 

So, we'll see. It has happened to the lucky few. There is a 20 something girl who has had a book published of her blog, it's called "F*** I'm in my Twenties!" - or something to that effect. I have also added to my Amazon wishlist a published blog of  Tavi Gevinson - called "Rookie Yearbook One". Maybe, one very fine day, I'll be noticed and I could have a book pulished, or I could have my own column in a magazine (now that is dreaming, that would be ah-maze-ing!) 

Been a While...Muse...

I'm writing to you from me, a total friggin mess. Why? Don't worry, only physically. I totally just walked into my door, where my boob knocked on the knob. Wow, that sounds sorta rude. The door handle bashed my boob. Oh man that's no better! You get the erm...idea. It bloody hurts! I fell to the floor, did about a hundred rolls into the bathroom and cried uncontrollably for about 10 minutes.

Ok, so that may be a little exaggerated. But I did roll, and I did cry. It hurt that bad. I can't remember the last time I cried.

I'm not a total mess either. Sorry, another exaggeration. I'm on my bed, writing this whilst sipping a lovely cold glass of German wine (German wine is the best wine!) listening to Muse's new album The Second Law. 

Verdict so far? It's.....interesting to say the least.  There are 2 dubstep-esque tracks on there. A couple of rock ones. A few others that sound like another old prog rock/pop band from the days of yore, and a couple of really boring slow ones. It's definitely not love at first listen, it's going to take a few to even like it....let alone love it. Actually kind of glad I didn't spend £75 x 2 (I'm not great at maths) on tickets to see them now. But it's worth a listen, to cure the curiosity. See, now I made a big mistake. I listened to the second from last track on the album called "Unsustainable" - a proper dubstep tune, and I got really excited about this new album, thinking it was going to be like this. Only...to be left rather disappointed. There's only one other track that has the dubsteppiness to it, which I can't find, so maybe I was lying! Anyway, Panic Station is really good, love that, and Supremacy, both are rock based which I looove. Follow Me and Save Me are boring slow songs which, I'll be honest, I skipped after the first few bars or so. I'm convinced that I can hear a little James Bond theme in the first track, around 1:35 you can hear it. It's very subtle, but I'm sure that's in the James Bond films! 

The last track is like a blimmin' dance/electro track! I like it. Nothing wrong with a bit of dance. 

All in all, it's not Muse that we all love and know, nothing like their "Knights of Cydonia" and miles away from "Plug in Baby" and "New Born". But, that's what the trio wanted. Upon watching an hour long interview with them on good ol' youtube, they wanted to change. They feel that each album is like a chapter in their lives, representing different things. This is a new chapter, with new emotions and events that are occurring in their lives. I feel like they really wanted to be like the "Heston Blumenthal" of the music world; experimenting with many different sounds, putting together pieces of music that you would never think to unionise, such as an orchestra and an orchestral choir, making it work surprisingly well. It works, it's just going to get a lot of getting used to. Like a new haircut I suppose. 

Not So Boring Post!

I've been absent for a while! My bad, I've been back at my proper job and I've been very busy! So much so that I'm shattered after the day. Not to mention that I get home at 5:30, so I don't really have time to write as much anymore. But this does make me :( .

Not much to update really, I'll post some instagram photos and other photos of my life in separate post. 

However, the most exciting thing happened this weekend - my best friend had her baby! Many congratulations on the birth of this amazing little boy. He is adorable. I wish him and the ickle family the best of wishes, and I'm very lucky that I get to be a part (if but a small one) of his and their lives. Very happy for her and her fiancé and his big brother. Yay! =D

I'm so so so jealous that our best friend Kate got to meet him today and give him lots of cuddles. I can't stop looking at the photos of him. I want to hurry up and meet him too! I feel like I should pester them hurry up and sort out when I can go and meet him. When I get a text from either the mummy or daddy saying "come round soon!" and I'm like "yes ok when you can, just say it and I will go!", I get excited when they may name the day.... then nothing! It's like they're teasing! But of course, I know that it's just because the they're so tired and overwhelmed that talking to me is very far down on their list of priorities right now! 
Sorry but it's not my fault he's so gosh darn cute! 
It's so unusual of me to be so excited over a baby. I haven't been in the past. I guess it might be because it's the baby of someone close to me, I'm not sure. But it's like something has changed, I'm now thinking about how amazing it must be to have made this precious little life. I think some sort of hormone has been triggered! Before, I used to associate childbirth with disgust and pain and all sorts; now, I just think of cute little babies! 
So it looks like me having babies in the very distant future is not a total no-no...!! 

Boring Post!

My last few weeks or so in pictures:

 Dover

 Fake Tattoo! 

 My last breakfast at the garage

 A new (fake) leather jacket with studs! 

 A weird advert in my local paper! 

A naughty but very nice pick me up

Procastinating

I read a very interesting article this morning, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19389707 about the dreaded procrastination. Now, either by ignorance or stupidity, I always thought that this meant the opposite to what it does mean. I thought that I procrastinator was someone who did their work a week before the deadline – so whenever I was asked “Are you a procrastinator?” I would nod and say “Oh yes, definitely, I’m usually quite good” to which people would always give me a strange look and just move on. Up until recently, I never understood why.
Now that I do know what it does mean, I have changed my mind and now believe that I am half and half. I am half a procrastinator. I never open bank statements or phone bills; I avoid checking my banks balance if I can (although this is something that I do now because of important direct debits and saving). I bought a new car end of June and I have the customer survey still sitting on my desk waiting to be completed and sent back to Toyota. They even sent me another one last week, probably thinking that I didn’t receive the first one. But when it comes to deadlines at work, I do my upmost best to meet them or beat them. I can’t sleep at night if I don’t complete a piece of work before the deadline. So in terms of work – I’m very good, I am the opposite of a procrastinator, but when it comes to my personal life, I’m not so great.

So reading this article was very interesting to me. It also made me think about last night’s conversation my two best friends and I had about our other halves always putting things off! Car insurance renewal, picking up a bloody certificate or making dentist appointments – our men just always seem to adopt either the “I’ll do it tomorrow” (which actually means I’ll do it in two weeks time) or the “I’ll never do it” approach. We can’t understand why. This response inevitably ends up with us girls nagging our guys to - call them, pick it up, make the appointment - every day, which pisses them off telling us to shut up and stop nagging. For a gender that’s allegedly more logical than women, I would have thought that these men would have the premise “I will do this thing straight away” leading to the conclusion “She will stop nagging”. Textbook logic. And yet, they continue to put things off!
It makes me wonder, is there a gender difference? Do men procrastinate more than women? I wish I had done this for my dissertation at uni. It would have made such an interesting project; far more conversation provoking than “Does personality type have an effect on how much stress is felt?”
I’ll have to research and try and look for a published research article on this. I assume there is a lot.

So, anyone out there who are annoyed by their other half nagging them, think about why they are nagging. If it’s about a simple task that needs doing, then just do it. That way you can both breathe a happy sigh of relief that the nagging has stopped and you can move on and live happily.

Engaged is a Weird Inbetween Stage!

My fiancé and I got engaged last year, the way I was proposed to was so romantic in my eyes. It was the best day of my life, the whole weekend I was on cloud 9. Ahh just thinking back to the day makes me go all gooey and warm inside and smiley on the outside!
A year and a few months later, I’m still not quite used to being an engaged woman. Being engaged is actually like a twilight period between being boyfriend and girlfriend and husband and wife.  I still refer to Gavin to people as my other half. I don’t mean to, I think I do it because I kind of fear the reaction I may get, as I have before... “oh you’re engaged? How old are you? How long for, when you getting married bla bla blaaaaa!” At first it was ok, but then after a whole of people jumping on me with a barrage of questions as soon as I said “My fiancé”, I got a little fed up. Now I just avoid it when I talk to new people.
On the other hand, I think it’s weird when we’re introduced by friends and family to new people as each other’s boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m like, hello? We are engaged! I’m sure Gavin didn’t buy this expensive ring and put it on my left ring finger for you to still think of us as just “boyfriend and girlfriend!” Again, though, at first we would correct people, but then after the 10^th person of being introduced to as “Gavin’s girlfriend”, Gavin and I just looked at each other, shook our heads and shrugged. We gave up.
When we get married, people will actually introduce as “This is Gavin’s wife/Jenni’s husband”. I will say “my husband” and people won’t think anything of it. As though its’ normal.
Being engaged is normal! I just find it so strange that people (including myself sometimes) kind of tip-toe around it, and avoid our status as being each other’s fiancé.

(wo)Man Flu!

After going through 2 boxes of Sainsbury’s basic tissues, 4 packets of travel tissues, 3 nights of Night nurse, countless numbers of cold and flu and Echinacea tablets and a sore red nose – I’m still trying to win this battle with a really annoying cold I’ve managed to catch.
I’ve been fighting, fighting a bloody cold that my fiancé so kindly gave me. What is strange, is that when he had it, he had it for about 3 days – and did not appear to be suffering as much as I am. It seems that he was not affected by the common man flu. I, on the other hand, have a really bad case of (wo)man flu. I feel terrible. I’ve had it 4 days and now on the 5^th day it’s developed into a horrid cough and I’m feeling very sorry for myself. I’m lethargic, moody and all bunged up. I’ve not had an appetite, even though I have been hungry, I haven’t been able to pass the food from my hand into my dry cotton wool mouth.
I’m actually really peeved, because we both eat the same thing more or less, we are really naughty and don’t eat vegetables or fruit and he is the man and I am the woman – men are known to be affected worse than women! What’s going on!? The only thing that I can think of is that he does drink a lot of tea. Not Tetley tea, but the twinning’s special teas. From Assam to White tea, he drinks it all. Maybe tea is the thing that’s a good defence against a cold.
Everytime I get a cold – once or twice a year – I always promise myself to eat more fruit and veg. Does it happen? Of course not! Fruit and veg is inconvenient and expensive, much more so than bad food like chips or crisps or coke or chocolate. Here’s the situation that I’m sure most people who are not rich face; you go into a little shop for a drink and a snack. They have a large variety of drinks, including that smoothie that you love to drink, and you know you should get it because it contains 2 of your 5 a day. But, it’s £1.60!! Then you see the new lucozade drink that only has 50 calories that costs 99p. Instantly, you go for the cheaper option. Now for a snack, to counter the unhealthyness of the lucozade you want a piece of fruit, apple, banana, grapes. Can’t see any anywhere, so you have to go for the chocolate.  So that’s why I can’t be healthy on a daily basis. It’s not cost effective!
As for the weekly shop, fruit does not last long, so things bought on Friday can’t be eaten the next 6, 7 days or so. It’s also so expensive, and hard to transport to and from work.
Thinking about it logically however, we do most of the time go shopping on Sunday. So we could buy grapes, bananas and apples. I may force us to buy some and trial the fruit transportation and storage at work for a week. If all goes well, I’ll continue to do it (she says, I doubt the purse strings will stretch that far this week!)

Just Keep Writing!

 Many blogs have a niche, a market, a target audience. For example, some blogs I read are about fashion, some about food, and others about babies. There are a lot that are about the author’s daily life, their ups and downs and events that occur to them. Some combine both – fashion and their life.
I love these blogs. Call me whatever, but I do like looking at people’s style, reading their fashion advice and where they get clothes from and then reading about their lives. It’s like a weird reality show.
My blog doesn’t have any sort of direction. It’s a multitude of many directions! I try and include a bit of fashion and I’ve dabbled in beauty in one post, but these surprisingly weren’t that popular! So I’ll keep those to a minimum! It seems the more popular posts are the ones where I ramble on about things in my life, my opinions and stuff, which is quite cool. I like how people like (I was going to say enjoy, but that might be pushing it) reading my blog posts about my boring little life!
I’ve said in past posts that I want it to be about one thing, but it’s seemingly impossible for me! I appear to have too much to say about too many things! Hence, you get to read all kinds of stuff!
I am suprised however, that my posts are popular-ish. I found them to be a bit wordy. Personally, I like looking at blog with pictures and a paragraph or two. In light of this, I'm going to try and do a few more picture posts, and see how you like those!
Other than that, I’m going try and finally put to bed my need for my blog to be about one thing, be really popular and get my dream career out of it (pah, yea right! Dream jobs only happen in, well dreams!) I'm just going to write!

Hey, the title is “The Content Notebook” – at least I am keeping true to its name!

An OLD Post - from 2011!!!!

I have a lot of drafts, posts that I have written that I never acutally published! Some I don't know why I didn't, others I read and cringed, deleted and thought "jeez, what was I thinking when I wrote that!?"

The below post was written last June/July I believe, after my 22nd birhday! I probably didn't want to post it because I said that I was writing blogs at work - which I can't do now, so I write them then schedule them to publish during the day when I'm at work! Genuis that little schedule thing is!
So yea, enjoy this year old post!

I can finally add blogs from work, where, believe it or not, in the not-so-busy periods, I have the most time to write! Granted, not much inspiration is gained from sitting in an office, but, still, I can write my blogs again!
This site was actually blocked. Annoying system. Funny how the cyberblock guys (I say guys) block blog sites and certain fashion and news links, but not adult sites! Now, I don’t actively sit there looking at porn all day. Sometimes our managers have to carry out email searches, incase they are wrong and customers don’t get their info. A couple of times, these emails have been linked to adult sites. You would have thought that these sites would be blocked, but they are not! And we end up coming across some pretty horrific things (including “big breasted ladies” and “anal massages”!)
I have been up to a lot since I last posted my blog. I celebrated my 22^nd birthday, which ran across two weekends, (lucky me!) My parents, my fiancé and myself went to Zizzi’s in Billericay, Essex for a birthday meal on Saturday, the eve of my birthday. On Sunday, My fiancé and I went to Colchester, Essex, for a wander. That was a nice, chilled day! The following Saturday, my friends and I went to Fire and Stone, Spitalfields, London. Omg, the food was amazing! The service was nothing to shout about, but the food spoke volumes! I definitely recommend going there www.fireandstone.com . After the meal, one of my friends recommended going to a few bars and pubs in Shoreditch. We ended up walking around in a big circle around London Liv Street for an hour in the rain, before she realised she turned the wrong way out the restaurant! We ended up down Brick Lane (weird place..very cultured!) and went to a few bars there, one that looked like an abandoned crack house! It was an interesting night!

I have been cooking this week. Part of my “trying to eat healthier” lifestyle. I bought the Leon fast food recipe book from Amazon, and made the spicy cabbage from it. It was a good first attempt, but I added too much lemon and not enough salt. As someone told me at work, at least I know my mistakes, and that’s half the action of cooking!
My next lunch that I cooked was quinoa, red onion and garlic, olive oil and sea salt. That was a big success! The only thing I would change is that I would use less quinoa, I didn’t realise that cooking what appears to be a tiny amount, turns into such a huge amount!
And last night, I had poached ham, egg and a tiny amount of chips. Yum!
I need a few more qunioa recipes, as, unfortunately, the Leon book only has a couple.

I am still into my notebook and scrapbooks, (well, that isn’t going to change anytime soon, if ever!) and I plan to do what many notebook enthusiasts do that blog: I will upload some photos of my notebooks. I was also supposed to upload photos of my art journal, which, I will do. I may do it this evening... watch this space!

It's Like Another Person.

I was going through my nightly routine before I go to bed last night, you know, toilet, wash hands, shower, wash face, brush teeth, hair, etc, and I found myself on a strange train of thought, about blogging. It's like another person....
I write so much about so much on my blog, half of it I never actually voice to anyone. Not to my friends, my fiancé, or family. It’s like when I write everything I think about my life and the stuff going on in the world, it all comes out all at once, without interruption. I can say what I want, fully establish what I think, and then get it all out there, after which people can then discuss it.
I actually to like talking, many people don’t know this about me – but I do like to hold a conversation for a long time, and if I was, hmm rude enough, I could quite happily talk over what anyone has to say! But, I am polite and let other people talk and join in when it’s right. Unfortunately, talking with my fiancé is a bit like a game of tennis. Depending on the day, it could be a game between one really good player and one awful player, where the rally just does not last longer than a minute, and the not so good player keeps letting the ball carry on going past him – the conversation just keeps stopping when it gets to my fiancé. There isn’t much giving back in the way of a response. On these days, all I would get is a silence and “yea”.  So my thoughts become lost. If it’s a better day it would be like a match between two good players, where a really good rally gets going and lasts a really long time – he keeps giving back, and we end up getting into a really good discussion or conversation about something.
At least with blogging, I can just write it all down and let it out of my system that way! Then the train stopped off at “weirdville”. Do people who don’t blog think it’s’ weird to write stuff down on a place where anyone can read it? Surely, what I say should just be kept for close friends and family, not for the world to see, because no one really cares? Does it imply some sort of loneliness on my part? Where I’m so lonely that I can only write about my life in my blog? Perhaps it does, I don’t know. I don’t really care, because thousands of people blog about their lives. And it’s quite easy to see that they have fulfilling lives with lots of family and friends; they are far from lonely, as am I! I talk to my friends and family about things, just not in as great as detail as I do on the blog!

Read it and Sleep!

I’m still reading. Since starting this 8 week long secondment to a different job in one of the garages, I’ve been able to fill my lunch time with reading in the park. May I also add that every day I have been here and had lunch, the weather has been beautiful? Yes it has. Brilliant! So I have very brown arms and shoulders. Woo!
I’ve been reading Chick-Lits, I can’t stay away from them! I tried; I wanted to be intelligent and read fantasy and nonfiction, but I was bought Marian Keyes’ Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married by my other half a while ago that I had still not read. As soon as I started reading it I finished reading it. I then was lucky to be able to borrow another of her books from my friend, The Other Side of the Story. Again that was finished in about 1 and half weeks. I was kind of annoyed, because I didn’t have any books ready for me to pick up and start reading. So I rummaged around and found a book by Sophie Kinsella, one that I had got free from a magazine, literally, years ago! Finished that after about 4 days! Fortunately, I visited my friend a couple of nights ago and swapped the book I borrowed for another one called Under the Duvet. This is one of her autobiographies. I’m already halfway through and it’s been a couple of days!
I love how she writes. Even stories about her own life are written like a piece of arty fiction! I wish I could write like her, she’s inspirational.  It would make my blog a lot more interesting and a lot less like just an online article of my life and thoughts!
I highly recommend all of her books, although I have not read them all, I imagine that they would be good. FYI, I’ve read the following:
Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married
Anybody Out There?
The Brightest Star in the Sky
Currently reading: Under the Duvet - (which I do like to read when I'm under my duvet, helping me fall asleep better than having the telle on!)

I wonder if there are courses on how to write like Marian Keyes haha!

A Hairy Decision!

In an attempt to keep my hair in good condition (and get it back into good condition as well) I am going to stop straightening the crap out of it!
Long story short, my hair got really bad back in May, the ends were dead and literally snapped off! After thinking it was my sheer blonde shampoo & conditioner, I bought an expensive set from Loreal Kerastase, which helped but not enough. Then I realised that it was because I was not letting it get greasy by using dry shampoo. So I stopped using the dry shampoo, and went back to using the sheer blonde shampoo. Apparently hair needs to be left to get a little greasy and washed no more than twice a week to maintain its condition.
After a while, my hair went back to a decent condition and after getting it cut, the ends stopped snapping off.
Now, I’ve decided that I want to let it grow, now that the shape it’s cut in will allow me to. I see lots of girls with great hair, and their hair is not always dead straight. It’s long, natural, flowy and wavey. My hair has a natural wave, it has a few weird kinks, but after a while it drops a little leaving it manageable and sort of nice looking. I’ve started to now only straighten my fringe and the underneath of my hair, which is where the majority of the kinks are, and leave the shorter layers. It feels nice to go half natural, and I’m looking forward to seeing the difference when it grows longer.

Which leads me to a dilemma. Kelp. Hair Kelp/Sea Kelp – I’m not entirely sure what it’s called but it’s some sort of Kelp. I hear that it helps hair grow longer and stronger and faster. This sounds amazing, and after researching into it a little more, I read that it has more health benefits. It contains iodine, something that your thyroid needs a lot of to help the body’s metabolism. It contains other things that are good for skin and cell growth, and alkaline, which helps digestion.
What I’m worried is, as great as this wonder supplement sounds, will it make the body start relying on it? Like with sleeping tablets, you’re not supposed to use them often as the body will rely on the serotonin (?) from the  tablets and stop making enough on its own for you to ever to be able to sleep naturally without them.
What I want to know is, will the kelp make the body stop making its own iodine and start relying on the iodine from the kelp tablets? Also, this may sound like a stupid question, but will it make all body hair grow strong, thick and fast? I don’t want to start taking it, finding only a week later my legs and underarms covered in long, thick black hair!
If anyone out there reading this takes them and knows the answers from a personal point of view, then please, answer my questions! I don’t want to spend £10 or so on tablets that are actually worse off in the long run, and come to have to continue taking for the rest of my life!
I would really appreciate it, thank you!

I feel the Same Way!

It’s funny when you discover that people feel the same way as you.
I’m reading Marian Keyes’ sort-of autobiography “Under the Duvet” and one chapter “Time’s Arrow” really stood out to me. In it, she explains how she dreads most birthdays because she’s getting older, and how getting through the thirties is like adolescence in reverse, where the body and mind do all sorts of weird and wonderful things.  The last paragraph then jumped out at me like a fly out of a cupboard (it’s a nasty shock – especially when afterwards you have to wash up everything in that cupboard...well, at least for my parents I imagine it was!) I read it, thinking “my god, this is just how I feel, she explains it perfectly!” So rather than me trying to explain it, I’ll just quote her here:
                “The only weird thing is that, paradoxically, I still feel like a teenager. I’m still waiting to feel grown-up (as opposed to just getting old). I don’t know how they do it, but everyone else seems to have it sussed.”
She then explains that even though she has the trappings of adulthood, she is
                “still waiting for that glorious moment when I truly feel like a grown-up.”

This is just how I feel. I mean, yea, I know I’m not in my thirties yet, but the age of 23 is still an adult. I do have a few trappings of adulthood: a good job, a long term relationship, savings and a brand new car, but I don’t feel like a grown-up.
Remember when you were younger, like, between the years 11-15 and everyone who was in their twenties seemed to be so cool and they had everyone’s attention and respect? They had it all, car, money, good style.  You would just look at them and think “I wish I could be like that. I can’t wait to be older”. Well, I’m that age. I’m one of those people that I used to think were so great. But I don’t feel how they looked, if you know what I mean? I don’t feel cool, or like I’ve got it all. I highly doubt that kids between the ages of 11-15 look at me and think “wow, she’s a grown up, so cool”. It doesn’t help that I’m still small, with a petite frame, so I don’t look like an adult, I don’t have all the signs on me that make me look like one. Maybe that’s one reason as to why I don’t feel grown up - I just don’t bloody look it!
If only there was a way that I could change some physical attributes of my body, like my height, I’m pretty sure that it would help!
 I still feel like a teenager in some ways; I don’t feel these “pressures” that adulthood is associated with. But then, maybe I wouldn’t because I don’t have everything that adults have, like a mortgage and bills to pay.
Maybe when I move out, I’ll suddenly hit the transition from immature 23 year old to a mature, grown up, cool, everyone-wants-to-be-like-me adult. (Ok, well, maybe not have that everyone-wants-to-be-like-me thing, that’s just vain...and I’m really not that vain...or great!)

Exams

Many students across the country received their GCSE exam results yesterday.
Once again, the news was rife with stories surrounding this momentous day. In the last couple of years or so, the stories have all had the basic “plot” that GCSE’s were getting easier, as the number of A*-C grades were on the rise.
This year, the number has dropped. There is also a big story now surround the English GCSE, in that one of the examining boards, AQA have moved the goal posts, so that students who thought that they were going to get a C were given a D. After reading the story http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-19355956 , I found that these students can’t win. Either the exams to too easy or they’re marked too harshly.
I thought of a simple sentence to sum up each year of GCSE results: The performance and discipline of the students each year will vary. Either the majority will have a lot of discipline and perform really well on the day, achieving the A*-C grades, or the majority will have a little less discipline and perform not as well as the year before, and achieve fewer A*- C grades.
In my opinion this seems like a plausible reason. No matter how similar students are taught, no matter how hard they work, at the end of the day, it’s their performance on exam day, their discipline of how much studying and preparation they do, and sometimes their intelligence.

For example, in 2011 say, if the majority of students studied really hard and revised and prepared well for their exam, and they happened to perform well on the day of the exam, then there will be a lot of students achieving the A*- C grades in that year. The number of these students may have increased from the year before. So, it would appear that more people were getting the grades. Instead of thinking this, for some weird reason, the media thinks that it’s because the exams are getting easier.
This year, perhaps the number of studious pupils decreased from last year, therefore fewer students achieved the A*- C grades. I mean, it sort of makes sense. In this day and age of social networking sites and “kids growing too old too quick” where they’re going out most evenings after school, less time may be spent on preparing for exams and doing their best on coursework.
It’s only my opinion really from what maybe to be logical reasons as to why the results have fallen this year. Rather than simply saying the exams are too easy or the marking was too harsh, the students themselves should be looked at, and either praised for doing really well after their efforts, or given advice for not doing as well as they could have done if it wasn’t societal distractions.
Of course, I could be totally and utterly wrong and my opinion may be totally illogical from what the news is saying. But, as I say, it's my opinion =]

Living for the Future

Going out every week pubbing and clubbing seems like a lifetime away. It was 5 years ago, that I turned 18, and from that magical age when I became classed as an adult, (but technically still a teenager because of the “teen” bit at the end of the word) I went out. I revelled in it. Most weeks I went out Thursday night, Friday night and on the odd occasion, Saturday. I was still at uni, so early mornings were non-existent to me. I can’t remember how I paid for things...I think I asked for money from mum. Gavin did have a job so he was able to pay for things as well. Without sounding old and past it, those really were the days. I don’t remember ever worrying about money as much as I do now, I never really focused on my future, and I was content with living at home. A stark contrast to today, in 2012, aged 23.

I always have to think back to those years between the ages of 18-21 and remember that going out was a regular thing for me, coming back home at 3:30am was something I did often on a Friday and Saturday morning, and hangovers were not so bad. It reminds me that I did live my life while I could, while responsibilities were very far and few between. I did go out. I did live. I did have silly drunken fun. I still did between 21 and 22, only it was more like once a month, not twice a week! Ahhh nostalgia!

A friend just posted up a few photos from a few of those nights out, and it came at first as a shock, then a nice, uplifting surprise. It was initially a shock because I looked so different back then! Looking at recent photos, I can see how I’ve matured, like cheese though, not necessarily always for the better! But it was nice because they were posted at a moment when I was a little stuck. Stuck in a point of sort of regret at the decisions I’ve made in my life. Looking at them unstuck me, and reminded me that, actually, the decisions I made are not to be regretted and in the long run, will prove to be the best decisions I ever made. Funny how a simple photo or two can impact on one’s thinking!

 I do miss those days. Every now and again I do get a craving to go out the little rock club in town on a Friday night and rock out with the newly come-of-agerers!  The thing is, I haven’t even stopped going out altogether. It was only a couple of weeks ago that my fiancé and I went out with his best friend, his girlfriend a really nice group of her friends to Brentwood for the night. I really enjoyed myself. It was a week before that that we went to a family birthday party. So we do go out, not just every week. Not only can I not afford to go out every week, money wise and “brain” wise, I physically couldn’t do it. Going out twice in two weeks actually really took it out of me! I was more tired than usual, and my concentration dipped dramatically. Something that I can’t afford to let happen in the job I’m in.

Now, thinking about this year between the ages of 22-23, going out has become a little less regular for me. I come back home at the slightly earlier time of 1:30/2:30 on a Saturday morning, and hangovers are the worst, most horrible thing for my head and body to go through. But, this reminds me that I am older now. I still do live my life when I can, but responsibilities are growing now and becoming bigger and bigger. I do go out now and again. I do live. I live it differently. I’ve have had a couple of silly drunken fun nights (of which patches are still lost in my memory somewhere, another bonus of being an older drunk!) These days, I really enjoy the comfort of my bed/sofa, with my comfy cuddly fiancé by my side, good telly or films, and a couple of bottles of beer or glasses of Pimm’s. I prefer days out with him, my friends, and sometimes, family. I can remember them for a start and we can talk without having to shout, walk around without getting blisters, take photos that aren’t blurry and save a lot of money going down the toilet (drinking alcohol, more toilet visits, you know what I mean!)  I’m now thinking about my future, concentrating on saving up as much money as we can for a deposit to buy our first home. I bought a brand new car, which I’m paying monthly for. I have a good job that requires a good deal of concentration. So going out every week is something that’s not in my priorities right now. You can probably tell (or not), that I am still getting used to it. I do stop and think sometimes about a few people I know that are either my age or a little older that do regularly go out, and wonder if I am a bit strange for not doing the same. But my friends and family are quick to remind me, that I am a totally different situation than they are, so I’m doing right by myself, my fiancé, our future.

I assume that some people my age or even older are reading this shaking your head thinking “you crazy woman! 23 is still young! Get out and live your life!” To that, I simply say “I am. Just not in the same, drunken, money wasting, heavy headed way that maybe you do, that I used to.”  

Besides, when I do move out, I’ll always have people over for parties and BBQ’s hehe!

Monda...no, wait, Thursday?!

It feels like Monday, only it’s Thursday. It’s weird the effect that working at different locations has on you. I’m just as tired as if it was Monday, I’m just as moody as am on Monday’s and I’m just as fed up that its’ still not the weekend, just as if it was Monday.

Still, the weekend just gone was a much needed restful one. Saturday Gavin and I drove around Cheshunt, Turnford, and Broxbourne in Hertfordshire. We were looking at Cheshunt, and just getting a feel for the place, as this is where we hope to move to at some point soon (sooner rather than later I’m hoping!) I initially wanted to go to Broxbourne shopping centre, which is off J25 on the M25 onto the A10 and it’s off there near Cheshunt. Instead, Gavin said why don’t we go through the country roads, through Loughton etc. I, stupidly went along with it, thinking if I could just follow signs for the A10, we’ll get to it eventually. Was that the case? No. We ended up going past it (I can only assume) and drove through Cheshunt, then Turnford, then ended up in a little residential area in Broxbourne. Oh.Em.Geeee the houses are beautiful around there. They are humongous, all with about 4 really nice cars outside. Oh, how I wish we were rich. We decided that that is where we would move to if we won the lottery.
After the amazement of the luscious houses, we continued to drive, and ended up on a country road. I wanted/needed to turn around and go back to find this bloody shopping centre – which, by now, I’m sure had decided to just up and leave, taking all signs pointing towards it with it! I couldn’t because I had a horrible white van up my backside, as usual, so I saw a turning left and took it. Little did I know, that this was the car park for Paradise Wildlife Park, and people in Hi-Vis’ were directing me to a space! Gavin and I just looked at each other, and wondered what just happened! Well, we thought we’d not been to the zoo together yet, so we thought, as we were there, lets’ go. I’m glad we did. It was a lovely day. Boiling hot mind, so the animals were kinda boring. We did still get to see a lot though! Including, oh god, the weirdest thing ever. Tortoises having sex. And the noises they were making? Oh man, I thought humans were the only people to make a noise! Clearly not! Who’d have thought that these shelled, mobile homes were the closest animals in the way they have sex. OK, not really, in fact that’s really disgusting to suggest that, so I take it back. In no way are humans like that!

Aaaanyway, I'll leave you with a few pics from the weekend. Including a picture of a box of amazing cakes that my dear mum made. They're delish!