Saturday, 25 August 2012

I feel the Same Way!

It’s funny when you discover that people feel the same way as you.
I’m reading Marian Keyes’ sort-of autobiography “Under the Duvet” and one chapter “Time’s Arrow” really stood out to me. In it, she explains how she dreads most birthdays because she’s getting older, and how getting through the thirties is like adolescence in reverse, where the body and mind do all sorts of weird and wonderful things.  The last paragraph then jumped out at me like a fly out of a cupboard (it’s a nasty shock – especially when afterwards you have to wash up everything in that cupboard...well, at least for my parents I imagine it was!) I read it, thinking “my god, this is just how I feel, she explains it perfectly!” So rather than me trying to explain it, I’ll just quote her here:
                “The only weird thing is that, paradoxically, I still feel like a teenager. I’m still waiting to feel grown-up (as opposed to just getting old). I don’t know how they do it, but everyone else seems to have it sussed.”
She then explains that even though she has the trappings of adulthood, she is
                “still waiting for that glorious moment when I truly feel like a grown-up.”
This is just how I feel. I mean, yea, I know I’m not in my thirties yet, but the age of 23 is still an adult. I do have a few trappings of adulthood: a good job, a long term relationship, savings and a brand new car, but I don’t feel like a grown-up.
Remember when you were younger, like, between the years 11-15 and everyone who was in their twenties seemed to be so cool and they had everyone’s attention and respect? They had it all, car, money, good style.  You would just look at them and think “I wish I could be like that. I can’t wait to be older”. Well, I’m that age. I’m one of those people that I used to think were so great. But I don’t feel how they looked, if you know what I mean? I don’t feel cool, or like I’ve got it all. I highly doubt that kids between the ages of 11-15 look at me and think “wow, she’s a grown up, so cool”. It doesn’t help that I’m still small, with a petite frame, so I don’t look like an adult, I don’t have all the signs on me that make me look like one. Maybe that’s one reason as to why I don’t feel grown up - I just don’t bloody look it!
If only there was a way that I could change some physical attributes of my body, like my height, I’m pretty sure that it would help!
 I still feel like a teenager in some ways; I don’t feel these “pressures” that adulthood is associated with. But then, maybe I wouldn’t because I don’t have everything that adults have, like a mortgage and bills to pay.
Maybe when I move out, I’ll suddenly hit the transition from immature 23 year old to a mature, grown up, cool, everyone-wants-to-be-like-me adult. (Ok, well, maybe not have that everyone-wants-to-be-like-me thing, that’s just vain...and I’m really not that vain...or great!)

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