Thursday, 23 August 2012

Living for the Future

Going out every week pubbing and clubbing seems like a lifetime away. It was 5 years ago, that I turned 18, and from that magical age when I became classed as an adult, (but technically still a teenager because of the “teen” bit at the end of the word) I went out. I revelled in it. Most weeks I went out Thursday night, Friday night and on the odd occasion, Saturday. I was still at uni, so early mornings were non-existent to me. I can’t remember how I paid for things...I think I asked for money from mum. Gavin did have a job so he was able to pay for things as well. Without sounding old and past it, those really were the days. I don’t remember ever worrying about money as much as I do now, I never really focused on my future, and I was content with living at home. A stark contrast to today, in 2012, aged 23.
I always have to think back to those years between the ages of 18-21 and remember that going out was a regular thing for me, coming back home at 3:30am was something I did often on a Friday and Saturday morning, and hangovers were not so bad. It reminds me that I did live my life while I could, while responsibilities were very far and few between. I did go out. I did live. I did have silly drunken fun. I still did between 21 and 22, only it was more like once a month, not twice a week! Ahhh nostalgia!

A friend just posted up a few photos from a few of those nights out, and it came at first as a shock, then a nice, uplifting surprise. It was initially a shock because I looked so different back then! Looking at recent photos, I can see how I’ve matured, like cheese though, not necessarily always for the better! But it was nice because they were posted at a moment when I was a little stuck. Stuck in a point of sort of regret at the decisions I’ve made in my life. Looking at them unstuck me, and reminded me that, actually, the decisions I made are not to be regretted and in the long run, will prove to be the best decisions I ever made. Funny how a simple photo or two can impact on one’s thinking!
 I do miss those days. Every now and again I do get a craving to go out the little rock club in town on a Friday night and rock out with the newly come-of-agerers!  The thing is, I haven’t even stopped going out altogether. It was only a couple of weeks ago that my fiancé and I went out with his best friend, his girlfriend a really nice group of her friends to Brentwood for the night. I really enjoyed myself. It was a week before that that we went to a family birthday party. So we do go out, not just every week. Not only can I not afford to go out every week, money wise and “brain” wise, I physically couldn’t do it. Going out twice in two weeks actually really took it out of me! I was more tired than usual, and my concentration dipped dramatically. Something that I can’t afford to let happen in the job I’m in.

Now, thinking about this year between the ages of 22-23, going out has become a little less regular for me. I come back home at the slightly earlier time of 1:30/2:30 on a Saturday morning, and hangovers are the worst, most horrible thing for my head and body to go through. But, this reminds me that I am older now. I still do live my life when I can, but responsibilities are growing now and becoming bigger and bigger. I do go out now and again. I do live. I live it differently. I’ve have had a couple of silly drunken fun nights (of which patches are still lost in my memory somewhere, another bonus of being an older drunk!) These days, I really enjoy the comfort of my bed/sofa, with my comfy cuddly fiancé by my side, good telly or films, and a couple of bottles of beer or glasses of Pimm’s. I prefer days out with him, my friends, and sometimes, family. I can remember them for a start and we can talk without having to shout, walk around without getting blisters, take photos that aren’t blurry and save a lot of money going down the toilet (drinking alcohol, more toilet visits, you know what I mean!)  I’m now thinking about my future, concentrating on saving up as much money as we can for a deposit to buy our first home. I bought a brand new car, which I’m paying monthly for. I have a good job that requires a good deal of concentration. So going out every week is something that’s not in my priorities right now. You can probably tell (or not), that I am still getting used to it. I do stop and think sometimes about a few people I know that are either my age or a little older that do regularly go out, and wonder if I am a bit strange for not doing the same. But my friends and family are quick to remind me, that I am a totally different situation than they are, so I’m doing right by myself, my fiancé, our future.

I assume that some people my age or even older are reading this shaking your head thinking “you crazy woman! 23 is still young! Get out and live your life!” To that, I simply say “I am. Just not in the same, drunken, money wasting, heavy headed way that maybe you do, that I used to.”  

Besides, when I do move out, I’ll always have people over for parties and BBQ’s hehe!

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