Saturday, 18 August 2012

I Wish We'd Won the Lottery!

Last night I was looking at the website of possible wedding venue. It‘s gorgeous, and it’s so perfect for what I want. This place has made me realise that this venue is where I’ve always dreamed of getting married. I’ve pretty much got my heart set on this place. My fiancé seems to be wowed by it too, which is good! I asked my parents to come with us to its open day in October, just so that they can ask the questions that they need to ask (seeing as they will be paying for most – if not all of the wedding...I guess I should let them decide what extras are needed!)
The venue itself, I kind of want to keep a secret. Only because I don’t want anyone else to use my idea! I remember saying a short while after getting engaged that we wanted to get married May 21st 2014, but May was then decided to be the month that someone else gets married, so I had to change the month. Then again, if I write exactly the date and venue, then it’s in writing, so then hopefully no one else will get married at the same sort of time! Not sure. Then again, this is just provisional. We may not even be in the position to get married in 2014 (although, I really hope that we are!)
I got so carried away, I brought up my blog post about the kind of dress I want and the colour scheme of the flowers and bridesmaid dresses. I was getting exited and I just couldn’t wait.
Then, I started to get anxious; and start worrying, something that I seem to do a lot more these days. I haven’t worried like this for a very long time. I was worrying about moving out. It’s such a huge step, and I am just so anxious to move out next year, I’m planning everything around moving out next year. But I just suddenly stop and panic about whether we’ll have enough money to move out, will Gavin have changed jobs in time, will I have passed my probation and get a little pay rise? I hate how much one thing depends on so many other things that are way out of my control.
Will we even find a house? Will we have saved enough for the deposit, legal costs, furniture, decorating? Our wedding will not happen unless all of these things fall into place before the earlier part of 2014.

Somewhere along the line, I was failed to have been told that life does not get easier. Just like in games, it gets a lot harder, the further along you go, the more levels you complete. GCSE exams, A Levels, learning to drive, Degree, Job, getting engaged, saving, buying a new car, moving out, getting married, and having kids (pets – in my case atm!).
Then again, I wonder if life is something that you only get out what you put in. If you put in so many goals and expectations, then it’s bound to be tough, especially when they’re not met in the time frame you wanted it to be completed. If you’re just someone who’s happy to just rent most of your life, and have a small wedding, then I guess it’s easier – because renting is more achievable and readily available in the short term. With this in mind, I looked at how much rent costs in the area we want to move to. More expensive than what our mortgage would cost. Crazy! Not worth it.
So then that easy option is out the window.
I guess the next thing is to stop wanting too much too soon. We’re only 23 and we have our whole lives to sort this stuff out. We should be living it up, having fun, enjoying life with no responsibility is what I’m told. “So you get your house, have your dog, then what?” My mum asked me. “For the next 50 years what will you do?” In a way, she’s right.
Thing is, in this nasty day and age, its’ hard to get what you want without having to wait and pay heavily for it. If buying a house is something that is wanted, then saving has to start early. Especially since, according to the news, house prices are increasing 3x higher than pay rises – pay has even been frozen (don’t get me started on this country’s economic state!)

At times, I’m oscillating back and forth between “should I live life and spend?” or “should I live like a hermit and save like mad?”
I think the only answer is to do a bit of both. Even though when I do spend money on something like going out for a birthday or getting a couple of tops from Primark, I feel so so sooo guilty.
Ugh. Life’s tough!

I hate to say it, but after writing this post, I just realised, it would be a whole lot easier if we had won the lottery!

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