Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Returning to Writing

I've been having slight wobbles....
I'm now 29, 30 in June this year and I'm starting to realise why people have mid life crises....why people have affairs....why people suddenly get to an age and just lost it.

Life gets boring. 
Life gets mundane.
Life gets monotonous.

It's all very well being in secure marriage, in a lovely house and have the dog you've always wanted with the car you've always wanted. 
I'm reminding myself of that song - she's so lucky, she's a star, but she cries, cries, cries with her lonely heart thinking, if there's nothing, missing in my life, then why do these tears fall at night? 

I know I'm lucky. I know I have the things that some people could only ever dream of. I am certainly aware of that and I am not ungrateful for sure. 

I've just feel like I've woken up from being on autopilot, from being in a third viewpoint amongst a social media, head in the clouds bubble. 

Life has just become plain. We do the same thing, day in, day out. And whilst it's nice and comfortable, that'st it. It's nice. 

I have a vivacity for life. I love to live - and I want to make the most of life. 
I'm bored of doing the same thing again and again.

I am probably just in this place because we are saving up for - ha oh this just gets better - going to New York and Disneyland Paris....oh and a new kitchen. 

I'm sorry I feel this way - I am hoping it's just a blip and I'll snap out of it. I think I need to become more mindful and positive thinking.....I do spend far too much time in the past and in the future, so I think I need to practice being present. 

I know I don't deserve to feel any of this, but I can't help it. I can't speak with authority but I think it's human nature to have wobbles now and it? 
We can't be happy all the time, that's surely not natural! 

I'm glad I came back to this little place - a place where I can pour my thoughts and feelings from my head to a page - and as much as I love writing by hand in a physical diary - in all honesty it hurts! Like, physically, hurts my hand! And it would have taken a lot longer to visualise my thoughts! 

I'm going to go and see what good books there are on being mindful and present in the the hope that this cloud goes away....

Thanks for just listening! 

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Italy is our Second Home

We went to Maiori on the Amalfi Coast in Italy in September this year. 
We've decided that is our second home. We love it there - best holiday to date. 
We had so much fun, seeing Pompeii, climbing Mt. Vesuvius, riding the very choppy sea to Capri, playing in the sea, sunbathing on the black sand, drinking by the pool, saying stupid things as a result of non stop drinking! Some of these classics were "I wonder what people think about me looking so smart and you looking like a sloth"
"I don't like spiders shooting at me"
"Can I have a straw please?" *get given an ashtray* 
"I wish you a fantastic dinner" said a waitress to us
"When I say grazi, you say prego!" said a singer on the entertainment night. 

It's a place I highly recommend everyone needs to go, we're still not done there yet, there's so much to do!

Sunday, 17 March 2013


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Friday, 25 January 2013


Not sure where to start really. Lets just say that this is just a rant that I'll probably delete later once I have my rational head back on. I'm fed up. I'm tired. Because I'm so fecking confused. It seems clearer day by day that someone who lives by the rules, by law, lives a clean healthy life with a job and a savings account, who has a motivation to buy a house, move up in life, only drinks, doesn't do drugs or anything totally illegal, has a degree and is relatively clever- is something that no one actually gives a shit about. Its probably deemed boring by many(not friends), so that person is the least favourite to talk to...or have a laugh with. It's also probably deemed not good enough by the one person who should be proud of that person. She seems to not realise that "well at least she's not sleeping around, at least she's not going out most nights wasting money on alcohol or doing drugs, and she has a degree and a job". She fails to think about what that the way that person's turned out, and instead just thinks about what she wants. out of her way.  Everyday Im starting to struggle with this "normal" life. I often think about just going off the rails, do drugs, become single, go out most nights. Will people then take more interest? I hate to think...
I just can't see why that makes someone feel like the odd one out...
It was completely different. People did take an interest. They laughed at the ditsy, sometimes dirty comments and they were shocked but I think that's one of things that they found interesting. Coz they took the time to find that out.
ugh...give up. give it time. More time. And make her realise that it could be worse.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

11 days later...

Sooo as you can see I kinda failed with the photo a day, against my initial thoughts I'm going to do this fmsphotoaday thing my friend is doing. I'm jumping in at number 22 where the theme is "corner". Soooo...I guess this is a picture of a corner at work.