Thursday, 28 July 2011

Mixed Bag

This is a mixed bag!
The good stuff. I went to the gym last night, and had my first personal trainer session! It was very interesting, I basically had a body MOT. I found out that my blood pressure is fine, but my resting heart rate is 108bpm! Which is far faster than it should be. I have only 18% body fat. My BMI is 18, it should be between 20-30. I burn 1304 calories a day just sitting down doing nothing! There is more interesting things, but that’s all I can remember! The personal trainer said I have to work on a lot of cardio machines to get my heart rate down.  I am going again tonight, to do this, and if I go 20 in 3 months, I will get back the £35 fee that I paid for the personal trainer sessions and stuff! The other half is away for work.
Which gives me perfect time to reflect on what I want, who I want, and what life I want. I feel like I’ve come to a point where life is starting to bore me. I know this is the case for 99% of people in the UK or the world, but I am one of those people who are bored and want to change it. You know what I would really love to be? I would love to be able to sing, and be in a band, and be really popular, sell loads of albums, and make lots of money. Money that will fuel my need for adventure. My other half and I will be able to move in together, and many of our problems will be solved. That is the ultimate dream. This will never happen, and will stay a dream, because a) I can’t sing b) I am not in a band C) the music business is very hard to get into!
Another dream that will never happen, is that I would love to move to Australia. I think I will be ridiculously happy there. By the beach. And the sun every day. Most days anyway. And there seems to be so much more opportunities there. I wanna goooo!
The more realistic dream is that I just want to know what I want to do in life! I have no idea L
Anway. I feel really blue today. The little fire that burns inside me bright and big is a mere single flame. It’s a simple fact of me feeling like nothing is good enough. That what certain people do – or don’t do – is not enough. This has left me with a nasty doubting feeling....can I really go the distance? I don’t know if I can carry on without the little things. the small things that matter. The small things that show someone that they really love and care about you.
So, while he is away, I have an evening planned on releasing those happy hormones. I am going to the gym and working out for 2 hours. Or more. I am then going on a sun bed for 5 mins. I will then go home and eat chocolate and drink wine, get drunk and watch a trashy film and sing at the top of my voice “all bbbbyyyyyyy myyyyyyseeeelllf”. All I need now is about 100 fags and I’ll be the Jenni Jones turned Bridget Jones. I am not going to talk, txt or even think about my other half. And we shall measure up the results tomorrow. 

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