Procastinating

I read a very interesting article this morning, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19389707 about the dreaded procrastination. Now, either by ignorance or stupidity, I always thought that this meant the opposite to what it does mean. I thought that I procrastinator was someone who did their work a week before the deadline – so whenever I was asked “Are you a procrastinator?” I would nod and say “Oh yes, definitely, I’m usually quite good” to which people would always give me a strange look and just move on. Up until recently, I never understood why.
Now that I do know what it does mean, I have changed my mind and now believe that I am half and half. I am half a procrastinator. I never open bank statements or phone bills; I avoid checking my banks balance if I can (although this is something that I do now because of important direct debits and saving). I bought a new car end of June and I have the customer survey still sitting on my desk waiting to be completed and sent back to Toyota. They even sent me another one last week, probably thinking that I didn’t receive the first one. But when it comes to deadlines at work, I do my upmost best to meet them or beat them. I can’t sleep at night if I don’t complete a piece of work before the deadline. So in terms of work – I’m very good, I am the opposite of a procrastinator, but when it comes to my personal life, I’m not so great.

So reading this article was very interesting to me. It also made me think about last night’s conversation my two best friends and I had about our other halves always putting things off! Car insurance renewal, picking up a bloody certificate or making dentist appointments – our men just always seem to adopt either the “I’ll do it tomorrow” (which actually means I’ll do it in two weeks time) or the “I’ll never do it” approach. We can’t understand why. This response inevitably ends up with us girls nagging our guys to - call them, pick it up, make the appointment - every day, which pisses them off telling us to shut up and stop nagging. For a gender that’s allegedly more logical than women, I would have thought that these men would have the premise “I will do this thing straight away” leading to the conclusion “She will stop nagging”. Textbook logic. And yet, they continue to put things off!
It makes me wonder, is there a gender difference? Do men procrastinate more than women? I wish I had done this for my dissertation at uni. It would have made such an interesting project; far more conversation provoking than “Does personality type have an effect on how much stress is felt?”
I’ll have to research and try and look for a published research article on this. I assume there is a lot.

So, anyone out there who are annoyed by their other half nagging them, think about why they are nagging. If it’s about a simple task that needs doing, then just do it. That way you can both breathe a happy sigh of relief that the nagging has stopped and you can move on and live happily.

Engaged is a Weird Inbetween Stage!

My fiancé and I got engaged last year, the way I was proposed to was so romantic in my eyes. It was the best day of my life, the whole weekend I was on cloud 9. Ahh just thinking back to the day makes me go all gooey and warm inside and smiley on the outside!
A year and a few months later, I’m still not quite used to being an engaged woman. Being engaged is actually like a twilight period between being boyfriend and girlfriend and husband and wife.  I still refer to Gavin to people as my other half. I don’t mean to, I think I do it because I kind of fear the reaction I may get, as I have before... “oh you’re engaged? How old are you? How long for, when you getting married bla bla blaaaaa!” At first it was ok, but then after a whole of people jumping on me with a barrage of questions as soon as I said “My fiancé”, I got a little fed up. Now I just avoid it when I talk to new people.
On the other hand, I think it’s weird when we’re introduced by friends and family to new people as each other’s boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m like, hello? We are engaged! I’m sure Gavin didn’t buy this expensive ring and put it on my left ring finger for you to still think of us as just “boyfriend and girlfriend!” Again, though, at first we would correct people, but then after the 10^th person of being introduced to as “Gavin’s girlfriend”, Gavin and I just looked at each other, shook our heads and shrugged. We gave up.
When we get married, people will actually introduce as “This is Gavin’s wife/Jenni’s husband”. I will say “my husband” and people won’t think anything of it. As though its’ normal.
Being engaged is normal! I just find it so strange that people (including myself sometimes) kind of tip-toe around it, and avoid our status as being each other’s fiancé.

(wo)Man Flu!

After going through 2 boxes of Sainsbury’s basic tissues, 4 packets of travel tissues, 3 nights of Night nurse, countless numbers of cold and flu and Echinacea tablets and a sore red nose – I’m still trying to win this battle with a really annoying cold I’ve managed to catch.
I’ve been fighting, fighting a bloody cold that my fiancé so kindly gave me. What is strange, is that when he had it, he had it for about 3 days – and did not appear to be suffering as much as I am. It seems that he was not affected by the common man flu. I, on the other hand, have a really bad case of (wo)man flu. I feel terrible. I’ve had it 4 days and now on the 5^th day it’s developed into a horrid cough and I’m feeling very sorry for myself. I’m lethargic, moody and all bunged up. I’ve not had an appetite, even though I have been hungry, I haven’t been able to pass the food from my hand into my dry cotton wool mouth.
I’m actually really peeved, because we both eat the same thing more or less, we are really naughty and don’t eat vegetables or fruit and he is the man and I am the woman – men are known to be affected worse than women! What’s going on!? The only thing that I can think of is that he does drink a lot of tea. Not Tetley tea, but the twinning’s special teas. From Assam to White tea, he drinks it all. Maybe tea is the thing that’s a good defence against a cold.
Everytime I get a cold – once or twice a year – I always promise myself to eat more fruit and veg. Does it happen? Of course not! Fruit and veg is inconvenient and expensive, much more so than bad food like chips or crisps or coke or chocolate. Here’s the situation that I’m sure most people who are not rich face; you go into a little shop for a drink and a snack. They have a large variety of drinks, including that smoothie that you love to drink, and you know you should get it because it contains 2 of your 5 a day. But, it’s £1.60!! Then you see the new lucozade drink that only has 50 calories that costs 99p. Instantly, you go for the cheaper option. Now for a snack, to counter the unhealthyness of the lucozade you want a piece of fruit, apple, banana, grapes. Can’t see any anywhere, so you have to go for the chocolate.  So that’s why I can’t be healthy on a daily basis. It’s not cost effective!
As for the weekly shop, fruit does not last long, so things bought on Friday can’t be eaten the next 6, 7 days or so. It’s also so expensive, and hard to transport to and from work.
Thinking about it logically however, we do most of the time go shopping on Sunday. So we could buy grapes, bananas and apples. I may force us to buy some and trial the fruit transportation and storage at work for a week. If all goes well, I’ll continue to do it (she says, I doubt the purse strings will stretch that far this week!)

Just Keep Writing!

 Many blogs have a niche, a market, a target audience. For example, some blogs I read are about fashion, some about food, and others about babies. There are a lot that are about the author’s daily life, their ups and downs and events that occur to them. Some combine both – fashion and their life.
I love these blogs. Call me whatever, but I do like looking at people’s style, reading their fashion advice and where they get clothes from and then reading about their lives. It’s like a weird reality show.
My blog doesn’t have any sort of direction. It’s a multitude of many directions! I try and include a bit of fashion and I’ve dabbled in beauty in one post, but these surprisingly weren’t that popular! So I’ll keep those to a minimum! It seems the more popular posts are the ones where I ramble on about things in my life, my opinions and stuff, which is quite cool. I like how people like (I was going to say enjoy, but that might be pushing it) reading my blog posts about my boring little life!
I’ve said in past posts that I want it to be about one thing, but it’s seemingly impossible for me! I appear to have too much to say about too many things! Hence, you get to read all kinds of stuff!
I am suprised however, that my posts are popular-ish. I found them to be a bit wordy. Personally, I like looking at blog with pictures and a paragraph or two. In light of this, I'm going to try and do a few more picture posts, and see how you like those!
Other than that, I’m going try and finally put to bed my need for my blog to be about one thing, be really popular and get my dream career out of it (pah, yea right! Dream jobs only happen in, well dreams!) I'm just going to write!

Hey, the title is “The Content Notebook” – at least I am keeping true to its name!

An OLD Post - from 2011!!!!

I have a lot of drafts, posts that I have written that I never acutally published! Some I don't know why I didn't, others I read and cringed, deleted and thought "jeez, what was I thinking when I wrote that!?"

The below post was written last June/July I believe, after my 22nd birhday! I probably didn't want to post it because I said that I was writing blogs at work - which I can't do now, so I write them then schedule them to publish during the day when I'm at work! Genuis that little schedule thing is!
So yea, enjoy this year old post!

I can finally add blogs from work, where, believe it or not, in the not-so-busy periods, I have the most time to write! Granted, not much inspiration is gained from sitting in an office, but, still, I can write my blogs again!
This site was actually blocked. Annoying system. Funny how the cyberblock guys (I say guys) block blog sites and certain fashion and news links, but not adult sites! Now, I don’t actively sit there looking at porn all day. Sometimes our managers have to carry out email searches, incase they are wrong and customers don’t get their info. A couple of times, these emails have been linked to adult sites. You would have thought that these sites would be blocked, but they are not! And we end up coming across some pretty horrific things (including “big breasted ladies” and “anal massages”!)
I have been up to a lot since I last posted my blog. I celebrated my 22^nd birthday, which ran across two weekends, (lucky me!) My parents, my fiancé and myself went to Zizzi’s in Billericay, Essex for a birthday meal on Saturday, the eve of my birthday. On Sunday, My fiancé and I went to Colchester, Essex, for a wander. That was a nice, chilled day! The following Saturday, my friends and I went to Fire and Stone, Spitalfields, London. Omg, the food was amazing! The service was nothing to shout about, but the food spoke volumes! I definitely recommend going there www.fireandstone.com . After the meal, one of my friends recommended going to a few bars and pubs in Shoreditch. We ended up walking around in a big circle around London Liv Street for an hour in the rain, before she realised she turned the wrong way out the restaurant! We ended up down Brick Lane (weird place..very cultured!) and went to a few bars there, one that looked like an abandoned crack house! It was an interesting night!

I have been cooking this week. Part of my “trying to eat healthier” lifestyle. I bought the Leon fast food recipe book from Amazon, and made the spicy cabbage from it. It was a good first attempt, but I added too much lemon and not enough salt. As someone told me at work, at least I know my mistakes, and that’s half the action of cooking!
My next lunch that I cooked was quinoa, red onion and garlic, olive oil and sea salt. That was a big success! The only thing I would change is that I would use less quinoa, I didn’t realise that cooking what appears to be a tiny amount, turns into such a huge amount!
And last night, I had poached ham, egg and a tiny amount of chips. Yum!
I need a few more qunioa recipes, as, unfortunately, the Leon book only has a couple.

I am still into my notebook and scrapbooks, (well, that isn’t going to change anytime soon, if ever!) and I plan to do what many notebook enthusiasts do that blog: I will upload some photos of my notebooks. I was also supposed to upload photos of my art journal, which, I will do. I may do it this evening... watch this space!

It's Like Another Person.

I was going through my nightly routine before I go to bed last night, you know, toilet, wash hands, shower, wash face, brush teeth, hair, etc, and I found myself on a strange train of thought, about blogging. It's like another person....
I write so much about so much on my blog, half of it I never actually voice to anyone. Not to my friends, my fiancé, or family. It’s like when I write everything I think about my life and the stuff going on in the world, it all comes out all at once, without interruption. I can say what I want, fully establish what I think, and then get it all out there, after which people can then discuss it.
I actually to like talking, many people don’t know this about me – but I do like to hold a conversation for a long time, and if I was, hmm rude enough, I could quite happily talk over what anyone has to say! But, I am polite and let other people talk and join in when it’s right. Unfortunately, talking with my fiancé is a bit like a game of tennis. Depending on the day, it could be a game between one really good player and one awful player, where the rally just does not last longer than a minute, and the not so good player keeps letting the ball carry on going past him – the conversation just keeps stopping when it gets to my fiancé. There isn’t much giving back in the way of a response. On these days, all I would get is a silence and “yea”.  So my thoughts become lost. If it’s a better day it would be like a match between two good players, where a really good rally gets going and lasts a really long time – he keeps giving back, and we end up getting into a really good discussion or conversation about something.
At least with blogging, I can just write it all down and let it out of my system that way! Then the train stopped off at “weirdville”. Do people who don’t blog think it’s’ weird to write stuff down on a place where anyone can read it? Surely, what I say should just be kept for close friends and family, not for the world to see, because no one really cares? Does it imply some sort of loneliness on my part? Where I’m so lonely that I can only write about my life in my blog? Perhaps it does, I don’t know. I don’t really care, because thousands of people blog about their lives. And it’s quite easy to see that they have fulfilling lives with lots of family and friends; they are far from lonely, as am I! I talk to my friends and family about things, just not in as great as detail as I do on the blog!

Read it and Sleep!

I’m still reading. Since starting this 8 week long secondment to a different job in one of the garages, I’ve been able to fill my lunch time with reading in the park. May I also add that every day I have been here and had lunch, the weather has been beautiful? Yes it has. Brilliant! So I have very brown arms and shoulders. Woo!
I’ve been reading Chick-Lits, I can’t stay away from them! I tried; I wanted to be intelligent and read fantasy and nonfiction, but I was bought Marian Keyes’ Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married by my other half a while ago that I had still not read. As soon as I started reading it I finished reading it. I then was lucky to be able to borrow another of her books from my friend, The Other Side of the Story. Again that was finished in about 1 and half weeks. I was kind of annoyed, because I didn’t have any books ready for me to pick up and start reading. So I rummaged around and found a book by Sophie Kinsella, one that I had got free from a magazine, literally, years ago! Finished that after about 4 days! Fortunately, I visited my friend a couple of nights ago and swapped the book I borrowed for another one called Under the Duvet. This is one of her autobiographies. I’m already halfway through and it’s been a couple of days!
I love how she writes. Even stories about her own life are written like a piece of arty fiction! I wish I could write like her, she’s inspirational.  It would make my blog a lot more interesting and a lot less like just an online article of my life and thoughts!
I highly recommend all of her books, although I have not read them all, I imagine that they would be good. FYI, I’ve read the following:
Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married
Anybody Out There?
The Brightest Star in the Sky
Currently reading: Under the Duvet - (which I do like to read when I'm under my duvet, helping me fall asleep better than having the telle on!)

I wonder if there are courses on how to write like Marian Keyes haha!

A Hairy Decision!

In an attempt to keep my hair in good condition (and get it back into good condition as well) I am going to stop straightening the crap out of it!
Long story short, my hair got really bad back in May, the ends were dead and literally snapped off! After thinking it was my sheer blonde shampoo & conditioner, I bought an expensive set from Loreal Kerastase, which helped but not enough. Then I realised that it was because I was not letting it get greasy by using dry shampoo. So I stopped using the dry shampoo, and went back to using the sheer blonde shampoo. Apparently hair needs to be left to get a little greasy and washed no more than twice a week to maintain its condition.
After a while, my hair went back to a decent condition and after getting it cut, the ends stopped snapping off.
Now, I’ve decided that I want to let it grow, now that the shape it’s cut in will allow me to. I see lots of girls with great hair, and their hair is not always dead straight. It’s long, natural, flowy and wavey. My hair has a natural wave, it has a few weird kinks, but after a while it drops a little leaving it manageable and sort of nice looking. I’ve started to now only straighten my fringe and the underneath of my hair, which is where the majority of the kinks are, and leave the shorter layers. It feels nice to go half natural, and I’m looking forward to seeing the difference when it grows longer.

Which leads me to a dilemma. Kelp. Hair Kelp/Sea Kelp – I’m not entirely sure what it’s called but it’s some sort of Kelp. I hear that it helps hair grow longer and stronger and faster. This sounds amazing, and after researching into it a little more, I read that it has more health benefits. It contains iodine, something that your thyroid needs a lot of to help the body’s metabolism. It contains other things that are good for skin and cell growth, and alkaline, which helps digestion.
What I’m worried is, as great as this wonder supplement sounds, will it make the body start relying on it? Like with sleeping tablets, you’re not supposed to use them often as the body will rely on the serotonin (?) from the  tablets and stop making enough on its own for you to ever to be able to sleep naturally without them.
What I want to know is, will the kelp make the body stop making its own iodine and start relying on the iodine from the kelp tablets? Also, this may sound like a stupid question, but will it make all body hair grow strong, thick and fast? I don’t want to start taking it, finding only a week later my legs and underarms covered in long, thick black hair!
If anyone out there reading this takes them and knows the answers from a personal point of view, then please, answer my questions! I don’t want to spend £10 or so on tablets that are actually worse off in the long run, and come to have to continue taking for the rest of my life!
I would really appreciate it, thank you!

I feel the Same Way!

It’s funny when you discover that people feel the same way as you.
I’m reading Marian Keyes’ sort-of autobiography “Under the Duvet” and one chapter “Time’s Arrow” really stood out to me. In it, she explains how she dreads most birthdays because she’s getting older, and how getting through the thirties is like adolescence in reverse, where the body and mind do all sorts of weird and wonderful things.  The last paragraph then jumped out at me like a fly out of a cupboard (it’s a nasty shock – especially when afterwards you have to wash up everything in that cupboard...well, at least for my parents I imagine it was!) I read it, thinking “my god, this is just how I feel, she explains it perfectly!” So rather than me trying to explain it, I’ll just quote her here:
                “The only weird thing is that, paradoxically, I still feel like a teenager. I’m still waiting to feel grown-up (as opposed to just getting old). I don’t know how they do it, but everyone else seems to have it sussed.”
She then explains that even though she has the trappings of adulthood, she is
                “still waiting for that glorious moment when I truly feel like a grown-up.”

This is just how I feel. I mean, yea, I know I’m not in my thirties yet, but the age of 23 is still an adult. I do have a few trappings of adulthood: a good job, a long term relationship, savings and a brand new car, but I don’t feel like a grown-up.
Remember when you were younger, like, between the years 11-15 and everyone who was in their twenties seemed to be so cool and they had everyone’s attention and respect? They had it all, car, money, good style.  You would just look at them and think “I wish I could be like that. I can’t wait to be older”. Well, I’m that age. I’m one of those people that I used to think were so great. But I don’t feel how they looked, if you know what I mean? I don’t feel cool, or like I’ve got it all. I highly doubt that kids between the ages of 11-15 look at me and think “wow, she’s a grown up, so cool”. It doesn’t help that I’m still small, with a petite frame, so I don’t look like an adult, I don’t have all the signs on me that make me look like one. Maybe that’s one reason as to why I don’t feel grown up - I just don’t bloody look it!
If only there was a way that I could change some physical attributes of my body, like my height, I’m pretty sure that it would help!
 I still feel like a teenager in some ways; I don’t feel these “pressures” that adulthood is associated with. But then, maybe I wouldn’t because I don’t have everything that adults have, like a mortgage and bills to pay.
Maybe when I move out, I’ll suddenly hit the transition from immature 23 year old to a mature, grown up, cool, everyone-wants-to-be-like-me adult. (Ok, well, maybe not have that everyone-wants-to-be-like-me thing, that’s just vain...and I’m really not that vain...or great!)

Exams

Many students across the country received their GCSE exam results yesterday.
Once again, the news was rife with stories surrounding this momentous day. In the last couple of years or so, the stories have all had the basic “plot” that GCSE’s were getting easier, as the number of A*-C grades were on the rise.
This year, the number has dropped. There is also a big story now surround the English GCSE, in that one of the examining boards, AQA have moved the goal posts, so that students who thought that they were going to get a C were given a D. After reading the story http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-19355956 , I found that these students can’t win. Either the exams to too easy or they’re marked too harshly.
I thought of a simple sentence to sum up each year of GCSE results: The performance and discipline of the students each year will vary. Either the majority will have a lot of discipline and perform really well on the day, achieving the A*-C grades, or the majority will have a little less discipline and perform not as well as the year before, and achieve fewer A*- C grades.
In my opinion this seems like a plausible reason. No matter how similar students are taught, no matter how hard they work, at the end of the day, it’s their performance on exam day, their discipline of how much studying and preparation they do, and sometimes their intelligence.

For example, in 2011 say, if the majority of students studied really hard and revised and prepared well for their exam, and they happened to perform well on the day of the exam, then there will be a lot of students achieving the A*- C grades in that year. The number of these students may have increased from the year before. So, it would appear that more people were getting the grades. Instead of thinking this, for some weird reason, the media thinks that it’s because the exams are getting easier.
This year, perhaps the number of studious pupils decreased from last year, therefore fewer students achieved the A*- C grades. I mean, it sort of makes sense. In this day and age of social networking sites and “kids growing too old too quick” where they’re going out most evenings after school, less time may be spent on preparing for exams and doing their best on coursework.
It’s only my opinion really from what maybe to be logical reasons as to why the results have fallen this year. Rather than simply saying the exams are too easy or the marking was too harsh, the students themselves should be looked at, and either praised for doing really well after their efforts, or given advice for not doing as well as they could have done if it wasn’t societal distractions.
Of course, I could be totally and utterly wrong and my opinion may be totally illogical from what the news is saying. But, as I say, it's my opinion =]

Living for the Future

Going out every week pubbing and clubbing seems like a lifetime away. It was 5 years ago, that I turned 18, and from that magical age when I became classed as an adult, (but technically still a teenager because of the “teen” bit at the end of the word) I went out. I revelled in it. Most weeks I went out Thursday night, Friday night and on the odd occasion, Saturday. I was still at uni, so early mornings were non-existent to me. I can’t remember how I paid for things...I think I asked for money from mum. Gavin did have a job so he was able to pay for things as well. Without sounding old and past it, those really were the days. I don’t remember ever worrying about money as much as I do now, I never really focused on my future, and I was content with living at home. A stark contrast to today, in 2012, aged 23.

I always have to think back to those years between the ages of 18-21 and remember that going out was a regular thing for me, coming back home at 3:30am was something I did often on a Friday and Saturday morning, and hangovers were not so bad. It reminds me that I did live my life while I could, while responsibilities were very far and few between. I did go out. I did live. I did have silly drunken fun. I still did between 21 and 22, only it was more like once a month, not twice a week! Ahhh nostalgia!

A friend just posted up a few photos from a few of those nights out, and it came at first as a shock, then a nice, uplifting surprise. It was initially a shock because I looked so different back then! Looking at recent photos, I can see how I’ve matured, like cheese though, not necessarily always for the better! But it was nice because they were posted at a moment when I was a little stuck. Stuck in a point of sort of regret at the decisions I’ve made in my life. Looking at them unstuck me, and reminded me that, actually, the decisions I made are not to be regretted and in the long run, will prove to be the best decisions I ever made. Funny how a simple photo or two can impact on one’s thinking!

 I do miss those days. Every now and again I do get a craving to go out the little rock club in town on a Friday night and rock out with the newly come-of-agerers!  The thing is, I haven’t even stopped going out altogether. It was only a couple of weeks ago that my fiancé and I went out with his best friend, his girlfriend a really nice group of her friends to Brentwood for the night. I really enjoyed myself. It was a week before that that we went to a family birthday party. So we do go out, not just every week. Not only can I not afford to go out every week, money wise and “brain” wise, I physically couldn’t do it. Going out twice in two weeks actually really took it out of me! I was more tired than usual, and my concentration dipped dramatically. Something that I can’t afford to let happen in the job I’m in.

Now, thinking about this year between the ages of 22-23, going out has become a little less regular for me. I come back home at the slightly earlier time of 1:30/2:30 on a Saturday morning, and hangovers are the worst, most horrible thing for my head and body to go through. But, this reminds me that I am older now. I still do live my life when I can, but responsibilities are growing now and becoming bigger and bigger. I do go out now and again. I do live. I live it differently. I’ve have had a couple of silly drunken fun nights (of which patches are still lost in my memory somewhere, another bonus of being an older drunk!) These days, I really enjoy the comfort of my bed/sofa, with my comfy cuddly fiancé by my side, good telly or films, and a couple of bottles of beer or glasses of Pimm’s. I prefer days out with him, my friends, and sometimes, family. I can remember them for a start and we can talk without having to shout, walk around without getting blisters, take photos that aren’t blurry and save a lot of money going down the toilet (drinking alcohol, more toilet visits, you know what I mean!)  I’m now thinking about my future, concentrating on saving up as much money as we can for a deposit to buy our first home. I bought a brand new car, which I’m paying monthly for. I have a good job that requires a good deal of concentration. So going out every week is something that’s not in my priorities right now. You can probably tell (or not), that I am still getting used to it. I do stop and think sometimes about a few people I know that are either my age or a little older that do regularly go out, and wonder if I am a bit strange for not doing the same. But my friends and family are quick to remind me, that I am a totally different situation than they are, so I’m doing right by myself, my fiancé, our future.

I assume that some people my age or even older are reading this shaking your head thinking “you crazy woman! 23 is still young! Get out and live your life!” To that, I simply say “I am. Just not in the same, drunken, money wasting, heavy headed way that maybe you do, that I used to.”  

Besides, when I do move out, I’ll always have people over for parties and BBQ’s hehe!

Monda...no, wait, Thursday?!

It feels like Monday, only it’s Thursday. It’s weird the effect that working at different locations has on you. I’m just as tired as if it was Monday, I’m just as moody as am on Monday’s and I’m just as fed up that its’ still not the weekend, just as if it was Monday.

Still, the weekend just gone was a much needed restful one. Saturday Gavin and I drove around Cheshunt, Turnford, and Broxbourne in Hertfordshire. We were looking at Cheshunt, and just getting a feel for the place, as this is where we hope to move to at some point soon (sooner rather than later I’m hoping!) I initially wanted to go to Broxbourne shopping centre, which is off J25 on the M25 onto the A10 and it’s off there near Cheshunt. Instead, Gavin said why don’t we go through the country roads, through Loughton etc. I, stupidly went along with it, thinking if I could just follow signs for the A10, we’ll get to it eventually. Was that the case? No. We ended up going past it (I can only assume) and drove through Cheshunt, then Turnford, then ended up in a little residential area in Broxbourne. Oh.Em.Geeee the houses are beautiful around there. They are humongous, all with about 4 really nice cars outside. Oh, how I wish we were rich. We decided that that is where we would move to if we won the lottery.
After the amazement of the luscious houses, we continued to drive, and ended up on a country road. I wanted/needed to turn around and go back to find this bloody shopping centre – which, by now, I’m sure had decided to just up and leave, taking all signs pointing towards it with it! I couldn’t because I had a horrible white van up my backside, as usual, so I saw a turning left and took it. Little did I know, that this was the car park for Paradise Wildlife Park, and people in Hi-Vis’ were directing me to a space! Gavin and I just looked at each other, and wondered what just happened! Well, we thought we’d not been to the zoo together yet, so we thought, as we were there, lets’ go. I’m glad we did. It was a lovely day. Boiling hot mind, so the animals were kinda boring. We did still get to see a lot though! Including, oh god, the weirdest thing ever. Tortoises having sex. And the noises they were making? Oh man, I thought humans were the only people to make a noise! Clearly not! Who’d have thought that these shelled, mobile homes were the closest animals in the way they have sex. OK, not really, in fact that’s really disgusting to suggest that, so I take it back. In no way are humans like that!

Aaaanyway, I'll leave you with a few pics from the weekend. Including a picture of a box of amazing cakes that my dear mum made. They're delish!

I Wish We'd Won the Lottery!

Last night I was looking at the website of possible wedding venue. It‘s gorgeous, and it’s so perfect for what I want. This place has made me realise that this venue is where I’ve always dreamed of getting married. I’ve pretty much got my heart set on this place. My fiancé seems to be wowed by it too, which is good! I asked my parents to come with us to its open day in October, just so that they can ask the questions that they need to ask (seeing as they will be paying for most – if not all of the wedding...I guess I should let them decide what extras are needed!)

The venue itself, I kind of want to keep a secret. Only because I don’t want anyone else to use my idea! I remember saying a short while after getting engaged that we wanted to get married May 21^st 2014, but May was then decided to be the month that someone else gets married, so I had to change the month. Then again, if I write exactly the date and venue, then it’s in writing, so then hopefully no one else will get married at the same sort of time! Not sure. Then again, this is just provisional. We may not even be in the position to get married in 2014 (although, I really hope that we are!)
I got so carried away, I brought up my blog post about the kind of dress I want and the colour scheme of the flowers and bridesmaid dresses. I was getting exited and I just couldn’t wait.

Then, I started to get anxious; and start worrying, something that I seem to do a lot more these days. I haven’t worried like this for a very long time. I was worrying about moving out. It’s such a huge step, and I am just so anxious to move out next year, I’m planning everything around moving out next year. But I just suddenly stop and panic about whether we’ll have enough money to move out, will Gavin have changed jobs in time, will I have passed my probation and get a little pay rise? I hate how much one thing depends on so many other things that are way out of my control.
Will we even find a house? Will we have saved enough for the deposit, legal costs, furniture, decorating? Our wedding will not happen unless all of these things fall into place before the earlier part of 2014.

Somewhere along the line, I was failed to have been told that life does not get easier. Just like in games, it gets a lot harder, the further along you go, the more levels you complete. GCSE exams, A Levels, learning to drive, Degree, Job, getting engaged, saving, buying a new car, moving out, getting married, and having kids (pets – in my case atm!).
Then again, I wonder if life is something that you only get out what you put in. If you put in so many goals and expectations, then it’s bound to be tough, especially when they’re not met in the time frame you wanted it to be completed. If you’re just someone who’s happy to just rent most of your life, and have a small wedding, then I guess it’s easier – because renting is more achievable and readily available in the short term. With this in mind, I looked at how much rent costs in the area we want to move to. More expensive than what our mortgage would cost. Crazy! Not worth it.
So then that easy option is out the window.
I guess the next thing is to stop wanting too much too soon. We’re only 23 and we have our whole lives to sort this stuff out. We should be living it up, having fun, enjoying life with no responsibility is what I’m told. “So you get your house, have your dog, then what?” My mum asked me. “For the next 50 years what will you do?” In a way, she’s right.
Thing is, in this nasty day and age, its’ hard to get what you want without having to wait and pay heavily for it. If buying a house is something that is wanted, then saving has to start early. Especially since, according to the news, house prices are increasing 3x higher than pay rises – pay has even been frozen (don’t get me started on this country’s economic state!)

At times, I’m oscillating back and forth between “should I live life and spend?” or “should I live like a hermit and save like mad?”
I think the only answer is to do a bit of both. Even though when I do spend money on something like going out for a birthday or getting a couple of tops from Primark, I feel so so sooo guilty.

Ugh. Life’s tough!

I hate to say it, but after writing this post, I just realised, it would be a whole lot easier if we had won the lottery!

Style

I’ve been reading Elin Kling’s blog here  http://stylebykling.nowmanifest.com/ and the more I read it and look at the pictures, the more I want her life. Obviously, this will never happen, so at most, I want her style. It’s so easy to pull off as well. She wears basics, plain clothes. But she emphasises that it’s all about the details. The bag, the jewellery and the shoes. Oh, her shoes. They’re amazing! She has Prada, Louis Boutin, Kurt Geiger (which I almost bought a pair of once, and at £60 I thought was not a bad price, but they were not matching my wedding guest dress!)

As her pictures show, she wears jeans, basic top, nice jacket and gorgeous high heels. I really want to start dressing like this. It’s an easy and mature style, but not too mature so that I will look 40 (not that that’s possible with my face and height!)  With this in mind, I did go to Westfield and bought 3 tops, a plain white T, a black and white striped top and a nice military green shirt vest top with those crosses dotted around on. They’re really nice, and were so cheap.... I got them from Primark! Can you believe it! I have only bought accessories and work clothes in there. But now, especially the one in Westfield, it’s really upped its’ game. I still will always be sticking to my favourite high street stores, Topshop, Miss Selfridge and River Island, but at this point in time where I shouldn’t be spending money, Primark seemed like a good idea! Then I went to H&M and bought a lovely pair of jeans. I’m kind of moving away from the normal denim blue jean, and going for different colours. I have a black pair, a sort of washed out black pair with leather shin pads, wine, red, green, dark blue tie dye lightening effect, grey leopard print, two sorts of grey and this new pair, which is a grey tie-dyed effect. I immediately then went home and threw away about 10 tops that all had slogans on or silly childish designs, that were just not me anymore. It was a good day.

The next thing I have to do is throw away some jeans. Which I hate doing, because I never actually throw any away! I always think “oh I should wear those” but I never do, and they end up at the bottom again. Oh well, I guess that task can wait!

Here's my attempt to be anything like her (not in style wise but posting about clothes wise!)

Three of my outfits

Left - Sorry about my crazy eyes! Top: Primark. Jeans: River Island Sale

Middle - Top: Topshop. Shorts: New Look (old)

Right - Dress from Primark (looks great with a leather jacket!)

Crazy Couple of Months!

I guess one thing I should do is just an update to my life, and what’s been going on in it!

Let’s see, so last time I posted was July. Since the end of July, I:

-          Bought my own brand new ’12 plate car! I am in love with it! I didn’t think it was possible to love an inanimate object, but I do!

-     Attended my best friends baby shower, which myself and my other best friend helped to cater for and provide the "decorations" we gave it an English Afternoon Tea theme. She loved it and was over the moon at our efforts. Her friend made cupcakes that had an icing picture of the baby scan! Weird, but they were delish!

-          Took my best friend’s son to Tropical Wings Zoo. I really enjoyed that day; it was special to take a child somewhere and teach them things and see them enjoy everything 100% more than adults do.

-          Went to Gavin’s cousin’s 21^st birthday party in Birmingham. That was a good night. I drove up there during the day with Gavin and his mum, following his brothers’ and sister and stayed overnight in a really cute B&B pub hotel thing. Gavin and I enjoyed seeing the family, and had a really good time! We drank, we danced, we had amazing huhuhuh, then nodded off around 2am. I woke up the next day with no hangover! Result!

-          Celebrated Gavin’s best friends’ birthday at a bar in Brentwood. Jeez, it was like walking into an episode of TOWIE (The Only Way is Essex). I, dressed up in my style, as I do, and I felt a little out of place. But, for once, I didn’t care. I was wearing a dress and heels, and that’s all that matters! Went back to his place for a little after party, involving more drinking, play station move games, falling asleep, falling over and taking silly Polaroid pictures! The next day, Gavs’ friend wanted to go to Southend for the day with us for another “celebration”. It was the perfect day after a mad night out, just chilling on the beach, looking at fishes in the sealife centre, drinking in the pub watching the Olympics and crazy over 50’s dancing and singing karaoke, walking up the longest pier in the world, going on the arcades, and eating really good food! Lavely!

 A few pics from this month!

In between all of that, we were watching the Olympics. I admit, I really was not looking forward to it! I thought travelling to work was going to be chaotic and awful. But if anything, it was quieter. 

As soon as I watched the opening ceremony, I was hooked. I’m not the sporty type, but I enjoyed watching the different sports and getting into the spirit. Amazing. I wish we could host it more often! Woo London 2012! And we did so well! 20 Gold medals, resulting in us taking 3^rd place in the medal table. It was a great event, and I’m now looking forward to the Paralympics. I just hope they produce the same atmosphere that the Olympics did.

It’s been a fun filled month, but, as a result, after putting money away into savings and spending a little more than we should have, I have to live as a hermit until Christmas. I just hope no one else has a mad birthday celebration, or party, or any other reason to spend money! I was unable to go to the London Aquarium because of lack of funds! That place is just so expensive though!
So, no more spending for me and my fiancé. Which sucks, because I know that we’re young and we should be living it up bla bla. But we have done that this month, and now we have to focus on getting our deposit together. Otherwise we’ll never move out!
It’s all save, save, save from now until Christmas!

A Blast from the Past! - Why are we who we are?

I found this in my drafts - from April last year!! It tickled me!

We are who we are becuase of a combination of two things: DNA and upbringing.
We are prodcuts of our parents DNA, where we are born with some traits from either one of them. I believe that the personality traits that we come with are predispositions of our future selves, and our upbringing will enable either all or some of those traits. For example, I assume I was born with the "intelligence" trait, which comes from my parents. I had an upbringing where that trait was able to flourish and become a "real" thing. My parents continued the teachings at home from school with reading, writing and arithmatic.
If, however, my parents neglected my need for further learning out of school, then I may not as be as "intelligent" as I am today. This, therefore, illustrates the point that I who I am today comes from a nurtuing of my predisposed DNA traits. (I put intelligent in quotation marks, as I don't think I'm really as clever as people say I am!)
Why am I suddenly writing what looks like a beginning of a psychology dissertation, which, looking back now, I should have done (I actually did mine on the relationship between personality type A and B and the amount of stress experienced in the workplace. It was interesting, but, as you can see by the title, very complicated!)
Anyway, I digress, I wrote the above as to a train of thought I was having in the shower. It was a 5 minute thought, but a deep one.

Gaps are Not Good!

Wow. So it’s been over a month when I last posted on this blog.

Whoopsie! Sorry guys/gals =[ .

I never even got round to finishing that 31 day blog challenge, which I was so close to doing! In fact, I’ll write those and schedule them over the next couple of days, to help get things rolling.

I neglected this blog, once again, for no real reason. Other than that I have been tired and lazy. So tired and lazy, that I quite the gym. I know, it’s bad. But in the new job I’m in, I’m getting way more exercise than I was at my previous job (which is why I joined in the first place!). All I do need to get back into, is my Wii Fitness Coach. It only used to take up 10 minutes of my day, and it made such a difference to my toning up of my tummy. I can’t remember the last time I used it. Now all the Olympics have been and gone, I’m so jealous of Jessica Ennis’ stomach, that I have to push myself to get back into doing that 10 minute a day toning session. I also read that it is also down to having very little or no body fat. A year ago, when I joined the gym, my body fat was 18%. I have no idea what it is now, hopefully not too much! I want to take up running. I have a huge park/field literally 5 minutes away from my house, so there is nothing stopping me. Apart from my utter laziness. And the weather. Ugh. I need to get my life back in some sort of order of activities! One of those being, to blog more! I miss my creative brain activities!

In other news, I’m going to re-design my blog. Again. It just goes to show how bored I get of things, and how often my personality changes! True Gemini (if you believe in that sort of thing!)

Watch this space for more bloggy goodness!
Thanks for being patient =]