I have been so very, very lucky not to have gone through traumatic experiences in my life.
So the most difficult time is a little bit petty compared to what other people have been through.
It was a couple of weeks in January 2010.
Gavin had just bought me an eternity ring for Christmas. It is beautiful. It meant so much to me, it meant that he will love me forever.
Then those two weeks happened, and I could not understand what the frick was going on.
He decided to stop talking to me one Wednesday. He ignored my calls, txts, everything.
He said he didn't want to see me.
My best friend Jade managed to get him to meet me on the Saturday and explain what was going on.
We sat in the local memorial park, and he said basically he doesn't know if he is still in love with me.
My hear broke into a thousand pieces. I couldn't get my head round it. I asked him about the ring, how all up until the Wednesday, things were great, normal.
He said it was there for a while. But he couldn't explain why he bought the ring.
So then that was that. He went home. So did I. And cried. And cried and cried and cried. I would stop, for like 20 mins. Then start again. I took down all the photos, all the presents and mementos.
It was like we broke up.
I was updating my facebook status to really depressing things like "I want to die" etc.
Then, Sunday evening, I was talking to someone on facebook chat.
I was told that on the Monday before, Gavin had kissed a girl at a club. I was in such a state, that it didn't really help. Obviously, this was the reason why he was being the way he was.
I hated it, but I was going to have to try and get over him.
Then he called me and wanted to see me. We met in town then went back to mine. I wasn't allowed to kiss him or say I love you. We had to be friends.
Which I could not do. Not when I was still in love with him.
So I said I can't see him, I can't be his friend. If we ended, I told him that we couldn't see each other for a very very long time. He didn't like that, but I insisted. So he went home. That was Tuesday.
Friday morning. I was watching TV. I get a call from him, saying he is outside my house. It was about 10am.
He had bought me a burger king breakfast. I was so confused.
He was so apologetic, and said he loved me, and didn't understand what was going on with him, but can we forget what happened. I was over the moon, and said yes, asked if I was allowed to kiss him, and we kissed. That was the best kiss since our first kiss. It felt so good. I knew then, from then on, that he was most definitely the one I was supposed to be with. We had amazing sex, re-heated the breakfast, and sat and watched a film.
I did ask him what that was all about recently, one evening while we were talking, and he was "psychoanalysing" me, asking why I'm still so insecure with him. I said that that time did not help, because how was I to know that it wasn't going to happen again?
He explained that he couldn't handle his job being shit and going down the pan...and thought he was no good for me. But then realised he loved me too much and came back.
So that was the most difficult time of my life..so far. touch wood.