I'm now 29, 30 in June this year and I'm starting to realise why people have mid life crises....why people have affairs....why people suddenly get to an age and just lost it.
Life gets boring.
Life gets mundane.
Life gets monotonous.
It's all very well being in secure marriage, in a lovely house and have the dog you've always wanted with the car you've always wanted.
I'm reminding myself of that song - she's so lucky, she's a star, but she cries, cries, cries with her lonely heart thinking, if there's nothing, missing in my life, then why do these tears fall at night?
I know I'm lucky. I know I have the things that some people could only ever dream of. I am certainly aware of that and I am not ungrateful for sure.
I've just feel like I've woken up from being on autopilot, from being in a third viewpoint amongst a social media, head in the clouds bubble.
Life has just become plain. We do the same thing, day in, day out. And whilst it's nice and comfortable, that'st it. It's nice.
I have a vivacity for life. I love to live - and I want to make the most of life.
I'm bored of doing the same thing again and again.
I am probably just in this place because we are saving up for - ha oh this just gets better - going to New York and Disneyland Paris....oh and a new kitchen.
I'm sorry I feel this way - I am hoping it's just a blip and I'll snap out of it. I think I need to become more mindful and positive thinking.....I do spend far too much time in the past and in the future, so I think I need to practice being present.
I know I don't deserve to feel any of this, but I can't help it. I can't speak with authority but I think it's human nature to have wobbles now and again....is it?
We can't be happy all the time, that's surely not natural!
I'm glad I came back to this little place - a place where I can pour my thoughts and feelings from my head to a page - and as much as I love writing by hand in a physical diary - in all honesty it hurts! Like, physically, hurts my hand! And it would have taken a lot longer to visualise my thoughts!
I'm going to go and see what good books there are on being mindful and present in the moment....in the hope that this cloud goes away....
Thanks for just listening!
